How to Relate?

HOW SHOULD TWO LOVERS RELATE SO THAT THEIR LOVE CAN GO IN THE DIRECTION OF DIVINE LOVE? ARE WE GOING TO STOP LOVING IN THIS WORLD WHEN DIVINE LOVE HAPPENS?


No, when the higher love happens it will include the lower. But the opposite is not true. The same way as the peak of the mountain includes the whole mountain area including the valleys. But the valley does not include the mountain peak. Always remember in all things the higher includes the lower. On the basis of lesser things finer things are made. But lesser things do not necessarily include the finer things.
When a temple is built, you have to dig its foundation to have the building on the top. This foundation is a part of the building above. The building includes the foundation. But at the stage of the foundation the building is not included. It may or may not be constructed into a temple.
Similarly when Divine love dawns it includes the love we normally have with others. Our love for others will act like a base for the Divine love. But if you are only living in the love of others, it does not include Divine love.

Higher includes the Lower

Let’s understand it with the help of another example. The lotus grows in the swamp. The swamp has contributed to its growth. It would not have grown without the swamp. But the swamp could have been there without the lotus, dirty smelly swamp. There can be a pond without the lotus. Lotus is not essentially there. That’s why lotus is not included in swamp. But swamp is included in lotus. This swamp has been transformed into lotus. Thesame substance, water and mud, which make the swamp, transformed and became a lotus. The same smell, which was giving bad odour from the swamp, became fragrance from the lotus. The bad odour is a part of the fragrance. The fragrance has come from the bad odour. But the bad odour could have remained as it is, without turning into any fragrance. The swamp could have been there without the lotus. The foundation could have been there without the temple built on it. So, worldly love is included in Divine love. But Divine love is not included in worldly love.

Love like the pillars of Temple

Then, you have further asked what kind of love between two people can be supportive in rising towards higher love. I want to remind you of a famous line that Khalil Gibran said in the book, “The Prophet”. Osho liked this book immensely. There were several thousand books in Osho’s library, but he took only one with him when he went to Rajneeshpuram. The rest of the books were taken there later on. But he took one book with him, and that book was Khalil Gibran’s “ The Prophet”. You can see from this to what extent he must have liked this book. Osho also gave a series of discourses on this, a very long series, lasting a month, titled “The Messiah”. Khalil Giibran said in this that two lovers should be like two pillars of the temple, Distant and yet supporting the same roof of love. He has given a beautiful simile.

Osho has spoken beautifully on this. It’s worth reading for every sanyasin. The pillars of a temple, what will happen if they come very close to each other! The temple will collapse…. the roof will fall down. And what if the pillars move far away from each other! Even then the temple will collapse. The temple of love cannot remain there. Khalil Gibran’s simile is beautiful. Like the pillars of the temple, rooted in themselves, near and yet distant from each other. Do not be aggressive towards the other. Be healthy and rooted in yourself. Two or four or whatever be the number of pillars there is to support the roof, are all rooted in themselves. And yet all of them together are supporting the same roof. So that’s how the temple can be taken care of.

But normally when we fall in love we want to go as near as possible to the other. And that excessive closeness poisons the relationship and the temple of love collapses.

The mind then argues for the opposite. No nearness at all, lets move away. Then we move so far away that the temple of love collapse again. So there are two ways in which the temple of love collapses. One,when we come very close and the other when we move completely away from the other.
Our mind keeps swinging between these two extremes. Either we want to get married and remain with the other all twenty-four hours of the day or fight with the other and get divorced. Is there no way in between these two extremes? Is there no possibility for a middle path? You are asking how should two people relate. They should follow this middle path I am talking about. You should remain loving towards yourself and be rooted in yourself. The other should not suck your energy. Neither should you let him fall from his inner state of being. Let him remain rooted in himself. You be yourself and let the other be himself. You should be near each other and yet maintain a distance.
One who would know this absolute balance will start moving from worldly to Divine love.
Osho has often quoted Sartre saying that the other is hell. Osho has improved upon it and said that the other is not hell the otherness is hell.
And how does otherness take place?

Osho has answered this in his series of discourses entitled “Jyon ki tyon dhar deeni chadariya” Osho has given such an amazing answer to it that we could not even have thought of. Why this otherness arises? Osho says ‘its because you do not know yourself.” We could not even imagine such a thing. Osho says, “ You have not experienced yourself that’s why the other appears to be the other. If only you could experience your own true Self, the otherness will cease to be. The same “BRAHMA” — The absolute is there in all. Like tides of the sea. The same sea is rising up and down with each tide. Since that tide has not gone within itself and not known the sea like all pervading “Paramatma” — The absolute within itself, the other tides appear as other.”
This analysis of Osho is amazing that the other appears as other because you are not familiar with your own self. Go within yourself and love yourself. Only then you will come to know yourself. Love is knowing. Love yourself and become rooted in yourself and then you will know who you are. And then you will know that there is no such thing as ‘the other’. And what takes place in you then is non-violence, compassion. That is Divine love