MY MIND IS FILLED WITH A FEELING OF GRUDGE TOWARDS THE EVENTS OF THE PAST. I AM OUTRAGED ABOUT THEM. SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HURT HAVE ALREADY PASSED AWAY BUT YET IN MYSELF I AM FILLED WITH ANGER AGAINST THEM. KINDLY TELL ME WHAT SHALL I DO.
You should do catharsis for fifteen days in a row for fifteen minutes. Try one experiment – go to a room where you are alone, close the doors and windows. Take a pillow and imagine the person with whom you are angry. Remove your entire grudge and rage on the pillow thinking him to be the same person. Scream, shout, hit it hard, punch it, throw it, kick it do everything you feel like doing to that person. Say bad words to it just destroy the pillow with your legs. Insult it every possible way. Dash it with the walls, utter everything that comes to your mind against him. Within fifteen minutes you shall feel relieved. The burden of pain and anger, that you were carrying since so long will disappear.
Osho has invented many such meditation techniques that shall free us from the burden of the past. For example: Dynamic meditation, Devavani Mediation, Gibberish, No-mind, Born again and so on. Choose any of this meditation for yourself. From among new techniques of Oshodhara, rebirth meditation shall be of great help for you.
Anger of the Past
As we broom our house daily so as to keep it clean. This shall prevent garbage and dirt to be accumulated in the house or as we bath daily so as to keep our body fresh and hygienic. Similarly at regular intervals it is essential to purify our own mind also. The layers of past incidents and actions get accumulated in the mind. Negative feelings start getting stored. It is necessary to give them a way out from us. You may consider it as a bath for the soul. After doing catharsis, lie down silently in a relaxed posture for around 15minutes and feel your own being. Within a span of 8-10 days or whenever you consider it right, one must do this process of eliminating your repressed emotions.
But remember one thing, only catharsis is not enough. It will be helpful to fill the wounds of the past but it will not stop the further creation of new wounds. So as new dirt and dust does not get piled up it will be important for us to live a life of loving awareness. Two options will be helpful.
Anger of the Present
First – Be aware towards the basic ghost nature of your ego. Among the eight ghost types, one is actively present in each of us. Recognize it; be conscious about it. And the second – Do not think, do or say anything being trapped by anger. If you learn the technique of postponing or doing it later on in this regard, you can see miraculous changes happening.
There was an unique and rare saint named George Gurdjieff in Soviet Russia. He has mentioned in his autobiography that when he was just of 9 years of age, death of his father took place. At the time of death, his father called Gurdjieff and said that I do not have any wealth or treasure to give you as my heritage. But I am giving you a small teaching – when anger takes over you do not get unconscious and say or do something. Just stop there. Wait for 24hours and than do whatever you want to do. The fire of anger will get silent within 24hours and than you shall be aware. George Gurdjieff has written, “I have fulfilled the promise given to the dying father and for my entire lifetime I could not ever get angry. Either within 24hours I had recognized my own mistake than I went to ask for forgiveness or realized that the other person was in certain misunderstanding so made an effort to make him understand with love. The matter resolved in a peaceful way. In either of the situation, the fight did not took place and their arose a great friendship amongst the two.
Be aware towards your ego and postpone the evil as far as possible – these two techniques shall get you rid from the anger of the present. And the technique of catharsis shall get you free from the pilings of the anger of past.